Alone Tonight

You know, I find it interesting how I do things...as some of you may know, I like to analyze myself...and tonight, I take the time to remember one part of me that I find sad and interesting. Tonight, I am single, my roommate is not home, and I decided not to call her to see where she is...and I am guilty of being afraid of being alone. I always want something to do and someone to be with. That way, I don't have to worry about the problems in my head coming to front view. I can make myself forget my problems and focus on the other person or the task I'm doing. Ha! I've already cleaned the kitchen since I got home and realized the apartment was empty. I really want to face my fear of loneliness...but I also really don't. I've been doing this thing for so long, I really don't know how much will come out if I leave my mind to think about all the things I never wanted to think about.

I'm really being such a whiney baby...you'd think I could just get over myself and read a book or paint or do something constructive or go to bed. It is plenty late enough. I will I suppose.