Notes on fantasy

So, in the past few weeks of my being without a nonstop job and just starting a new semester of school, I've tried to ingest as many books and movies and other miscellaneous culture items into my system as possible. I've noticed a few interesting things and had some interesting ideas concerning them:

-I've noticed I don't get as scared as easily as I used to. Before quite recently, I was unable to have anything to do with any kind of horror film, murder novel, or suspense thriller. Just today, I've read several chapters of the book Perfume which is a murder novel, watched The Manchurian Candidate, and watched Apocalypse Now. Granted, I also watched The Never-ending Story and went to a quite joyous football game to balance out good and evil but nonetheless, I've become much more accepting of these sorts of things which once I had no part of. (I know it's ending in a preposition, it's late and I'll accept my grammatical errors without fixing them for now)

-I've noticed and finally come to accept that romance movies and really anything which ends in such a way that everyone ends up happy except for the worst bad guy...is fake. It's not how real life happens and despite the fact that I absolutely still would love for it to be that way, it's not. Because of this, I also can't help recently finding myself, at the end of these sappy films, where the credits start rolling as the couple kisses and looks off into the sunset, commentating on what would probably happen in real life...for instance: In the movie Sabrina, in the end, the couple ends up in Paris together, they are all touchy kissy lovey and everything's perfect. The audience assumes they get married and live happily ever after either in Paris or back in NY with the family. What would likely happen in real life, though, is that he'd eventually have to come back to work at his job, they'd argue about how she's too bohemian and he's to high-strung, six years down the road, they have 3 children and he wants a divorce from his "hippy Parisian and their three bohemian love children." Of course, that's taking liberties where I obviously have none but all the same, it happens more often than not now.

I wonder if I'm a cynic. I used to call myself a cynic and then all of a sudden my hope for world peace and a healthy planet with healthy happy people took over and I wasn't. I think I'm maybe becoming a cynic again. Who knows? At least its nice for a laugh.

-I've always wanted so much to be able to read all that I wanted...the system I've laid out now is one which seems quite good for that sort of lifestyle...more about that later.(feel like my lifestyle now is a bit selfish at the moment)

-Wouldn't it be nice if elephants really could fly? What if his mother had told Raymond to make an elephant fly? what would he have done to obey? I bet he would have gotten an elephant onto a plane and had it thrown out in the air. How dreadful...

I can't remember any of my other theories/thoughts/ideals right now...

Anyway, I feel as though my lifestyle's a bit selfish right now. I've got it all lined up so that I get all my homework done, enough sleeping done, I drink enough water, I exercise at least twice a week, usually more, I hang out with my friends sometimes, and I have a boyfriend who I get to spend a considerable amount of time with despite our very busy circumstances. All that being said, I don't know why it is that whenever I get myself a balance, I feel overwhelmingly selfish. Probably because my schedule is made out for ME to feel comfortable and healthy. I suppose I've been conditioned so long to allow others to plan my days for me that I feel as though when I'm not spending every waking moment trying to unfrazzle my life and hang out with my friends, I'm missing something I should be doing. Of course, you know how that goes. I forget everything so even when I write it all down, sometimes things get forgotten...I get worried more often now. CA points that out a lot lately.

Perhaps there's some linkage with being cynical, a worrywart, and being able to handle suspenseful things; and being constantly smiley, watching only uplifting, happy movies, and allowing my schedule to remember things for me and dealing with what I've forgotten when it comes. I'd love to have some sort of mixture of the two...ya know...a cynical, happy, smiley person who doesn't worry and can watch uplifting and terrifying movies and be equally content with each.

Here's some things I'm thankful for to add to my list:

021-I am thankful for a family who feeds me strawberry cake

022-for friends like Grace who will dance with me when the marching band plays at the football games

023-I am grateful for my two dogs who are so loyal and loving to me, even in their old age

024-I have a job interview with the Outdoor Adventure section of our Rec Center on campus. WOOT!

025-I get to go climbing tomorrow with Dreds, Kernal, and Tim. Super Excited!!

026-I got to go out to eat with several people this past week who I hadn't talked to in a while and one girl who I'd never really talked to...what great fellowship.

027-I am so thankful for Christina, my mentor and her husband and her fantastic daughters. Christina is such a great role model and she helps keep me accountable in a way that no one else really has the ability.